i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
