Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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