I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
