dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
