I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize