Kareoke will never be a sober sport
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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