you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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