Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
