Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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