it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
