woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
