Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
