Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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