i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
