Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
