i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
