I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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