No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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