If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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