I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
