i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
