hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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