I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
