Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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