I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
