Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
