Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
