I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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