you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
