Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
