Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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