Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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