I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I cut my penus on the lid.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize