I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize