trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
