Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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