Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
