I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
