I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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