nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize