But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have demons in me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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