my phone needs a breathalizer
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
