Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You made out with two different species that night
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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