It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
