I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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