Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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