I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
