you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
