How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
