I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
