non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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