So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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