I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
