I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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