she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
