And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
