erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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