I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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