my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
