Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
