so let's talk penis.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
