You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
