Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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